Goodbye?

I don’t have much to say other than something about goodbyes. I thought that the more times I would have to say goodbye, the easier it would get. I believe that’s true to a certain extent but why do I still get sick and nervous to say goodbye? Is it because I hate the goodbye or is it because I dread the” in between life” that I live while I travel? I think it is because I hate being neither the girl from school nor the girl from her hometown. This messes with me and I find it hard to deal with.

I was just telling my best friend that most people find it very difficult to be one person while living essentially two lives. I noticed, more on this break than any other, that people change dramatically. They not only change dramatically over time, but also going between situations. I myself have found this difficult but I think I have found a sort of synergy between my two selves. This took me a long time and I can tell that many people around me have yet to be able to do this. So with people having difficulty with this, do I have to say goodbye to the people that I knew and say hello to the different people that have now taken over? Am I expected to accept that people have two personas or should I be frustrated?

Personally, I am frustrated. A friend of mine lives by the statement “To thine own self be true.” Anyone should and must stay true to this statement in every situation and scenario they face. If they don’t, they are fake to me and do not know who they are. To me, that is no life to live. So… moral of the story, you may live two lives but you must merge the two in order to gain a harmony of self. Living an “in between life” every few weeks or months may be difficult but it is so worth it if you can have the opportunities to see and experience entirely new things. This makes the goodbyes tolerable. They won’t ever become easy, but they will become doable and that’s all I can ask for.

Stories Never Told

While I’m flying home I think about all the different stories that I see in people. I always wonder where people are coming from and where they are going. Are they on their way back from somewhere or are they leaving to go somewhere? Is it business, pleasure, or holidays?

All I know is that I’m a volleyball player flying from RI to the beautiful CO for Thanksgiving. This raises a question for me. When I fly I feel in between lives. I have a life and a home in RI but my real home has been CO for 18 years. I live two lives. Is it like that for most college kids? Or do most leave behind their previous life and begin an entirely new one? Do they leave behind everything in hopes of finding something different? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to move on completely from the past. The past holds my CO family and friends. That was my life and, to me, it still is.

But back to the people I see while I’m traveling from point A to point B. You wonder what their story is but why don’t I ever ask? I’m curious about people and want to get to know ‘em. Are they business people just on the job or are they traveling to go kick it on a beach somewhere? Or for that matter, are they going to tear it up on the slopes of some world class mountain? Could it be sports taking them somewhere or the death of a family member? So many paths cross and so many stories go untold. You can people watch easily while sitting in an airport, like I am right now, but I’ll never know the stories of the two children playing across the aisle from me or the elderly woman with the sweet smile. To me each person is not just that. They are their own story that is waiting to be learned by someone who cares… someone who will mean something to that person holding the story.

We Own The Sky

I woke up this morning and felt like I just had to listen to this song. It gives me perspective and makes life seem so simple.

I don't have to care about anything when I listen to this song. It puts a positive spin on things even when things may seem terrible.

The Views are Epic

I'm about a week away from going home to my home state of CO and all I can think about at this moment is the mountains. I'm thinking of my friends and family of course but the more time I spend away from Colorado, the more I think about what makes the state so much better than everywhere else to me. CO is unique for its mountains compared to the "ocean state" that I'm living in right now.

I'm picturing the views that I have had the privilege to see. I try to tell my friends here about the mountains but most can't imagine what its like to be on top of a fourteen thousand foot peak. Its the view that makes life epic. You can see life from every direction. I can see life from above yet there's so much more above me. The views from the "fourteeners" that I have climbed really keep things in perspective. From these views, I stay grounded. I know my place in nature and I know that there's so much more to life. Beyond my personal experiences, lies a world full of peaks that I can't wait to climb because the views are my rewards.

PuZZles

Why is it that some things just don't fit? How come someone or something can just fit perfectly but then another just doesn't? This kind of brought me to the idea that people are puzzles. I'm trying to think of what my puzzle might end up looking like by the end of my life... or even what it's supposed to look like right now. What's the picture supposed to be? Should the puzzle be you made up of tons of things in your life or should the puzzle be of something else that you just fit within?

Am I am bunch of pieces that I'm expected to find as i move through life? or am I an entire piece that will fit into another's life? I think its both. I am finding who I am everyday, especially these past few years being on my own, but I also believe that I will fit into many other peoples' lives. Where will you fit and with whom will you fit? With what situations and places will you find the jagged edge that matches your own jagged edges?

Laugh at Yourself

You wanna know what I think is an epic fail? and one that I do quite often? I believe that an epic fail in everyday life is when an individual has to explain their joke. It sounds simple but I'm sure everyone who is reading this and probably everyone in the world has had to explain their joke... basically realizing that their joke was really lame and not funny at all. I've done this too many times to count and I got to experience the embarrassment of knowing that I had just attempted to tell a joke (that in my head was hilarious) and it failed miserably today. I can't share this joke with you because I feel like I've turned red enough today. So instead, I tell myself that my jokes are simply just way above everyone else's heads. This tends to make me feels better.

I think I get this from my mom. By this, I mean the whole idea of thinking that I'm super funny when in reality most of my jokes are pretty lame. She always says "I crack myself up" and I always respond "so does that mean I should be laughing?" I've always thought that she and I make a pretty good comedy team. We might struggle a bit on our own but we kill it when we're together. This goes for my best friends back at home too. They're pretty good comedians on their own but once we all get going, the humor flies. Trust me.

Just do me a favor guys... find humor in having to explain your own jokes. it may be embarrassing but its pretty awesome if you can laugh at yourself.

Music that leads somewhere...

So today I got to thinking about my childhood and how music can bring me back to those days. I returned to the days of dancing around the campfire and climbing peaks simply from listening to an epic song like "Free Fallin'" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. The fact that music can lead me somewhere is inspiring; it can bring me down a path that doesn't necessarily just lead to the past... it points to the future too. I find myself within music and lost without it.

Music that can make me think is the epitome of all music. I'm willing to just lay back in a car and look out at the stars all night listening to one artist or song if I can have those few hours of calm to think. Music is both a release and a catalyst. It sturs up memories and thoughts that I have been trying to hide or put behind me, lets me take out my anger or sadness on something rather than someone, helps bring me back down to earth when things get to be too much and it allows for new thoughts and ideas to flow. I doubt I would be the person I am today without it. Bottom line... music is incredibely epic.