Letting Go

You know when you've moved on from someone, when you're finally able to sail away and be your own person again. Its an epiphany. Even though it is actually so hard to let go, there is literally one moment when you can see yourself without them. To me, that is the moment when you can listen to the songs that reminded you of him/her and not feel a knife through your heart or a punch to the gut. When you can listen to "Vanilla Twilight" or any other random song that you had together and actually smile without the pain and anger. No tears shed, no headache, no frown.... just a smile. That smile symbolizes the fact that you can look past all of the crap from the past and see the good memories. It is in the one moment that you can finally begin to look again.... or rather... open yourself up to be found again.

The one hard part is... letting them move on as well. Its always easiest to say you're going to do "you're own thing" but you're never entirely happy about letting them do their own thing as well. Its not fair to either one of you and that is why the awkwardly long break up exists. Has there ever been a clean break-up? There's always this awkward dance between two people and a crap load of crappy emotions. I don't blame a single person for having a ridiculous break up that is almost impossible to end. To me the word break-up is just that... its a break that isn't clean... its jagged and hurts both people.

Emotional

I believe it is far better to be very emotional than to be unemotional. To never experience true, desperate emotion seems like a miserable life to live. Some have said I am too emotional, that I wear my emotions on my sleeve. What if I want my emotions on my sleeve? What if I want everyone to see right through me because I don't care if they see who I really am? I have nothing to hide and I believe that, to some, emotion can be seen as a strength. Emotional awareness is an admirable trait as far as I'm concerned. I want an intense connection with those in my life and, without emotion and support, this seems impossible. If you can't handle tears, hugs, smiles, screams, laughs, or kisses than I don't think you can handle being a part of my life.

So whether its sleeves, scarves, hats, shoes, kneepads, jewelry or bags, I plan on wearing my emotions wherever I want to. Pockets are the last place you'll find my feelings and I'm proud of it.

Everything Feels Like the End

Everything feels like the end of the world when you're young. I'm not one to say that I know what its like to be older (I'm 20 so what do I know?) but I do know that its easy to get wrapped up in the little things. Its unbelievably easy to overreact to the simplest situations.

Ever looked back at a situation and seen it much clearer after the fact? This happened to me and made me realize that its time for me to relax and take a few steps back from my life. A person can get way too caught up in everyday life and stressors. It makes it impossible to realize that in the long run things will be OK. This concept felt so foreign to me but it took just a few events to snap me out of this stressful state I was stuck in.

It is completely acceptable to take things seriously and to consider them important to life, but when do people take it too far? This is different for everyone, but to me, I believe it is when people lose sight of the bigger picture. When an individual can no longer understand that a single fight, an injury, or an exam will not destroy their life as they know it, they have forgotten to take pleasure in the simple things. They have given into the pressures of life, and there is no end to that spiral, unless there is an event to snap them out. It can be disguised as just another stressor but it takes something personal, something that hits home, to make one see there is so much more beyond the little bubble they have created for themselves. My advice: let things bring happiness to you, and trim the negatives out of your life. The bigger picture during any time in your life is far more enjoyable than the holes you will dig yourself into. Would you rather see the world or dirt walls?

Keep Your Word Through Your Actions

There's nothing more frustrating than a person who can't keep their word. People who say something but do something completely different. Those who want to never hurt you but do without thinking.

How are you supposed to react? What sort of emotion are you supposed to feel when you know you've just been let down? I'm under the impression that maybe you can't control it, maybe you just have to accept that there are people who go back on their word. But how are you supposed to be cool with that???? Why should you have to lower your expectations of people?

I don't want to think anything less of people in my past, present, or future. I don't want to stand by and watch someone get hurt and walked all over in the exact same way that I was. But I guess what I want doesn't exactly matter does it? People will take advantage of others' vulnerability. People will always forget to think about what their actions can do to those that have meant and will mean something to them.

Take A Step Back

Have you ever taken a step back to look at those around you? Have you ever tried to see them as just "people" instead of who they are to YOU? Take a look and you'll be surprised what you see....

Those individuals that stand out the most to me are my family. My mother, father and brother. I see them in a totally different light than anyone else does, but its interesting to step back and look at them outside of that light. Really see them for the person that they are.

My mother is my best friend but I can see her for so much more. She is strong, rarely vulnerable, but when she is she is beautiful. She has an energy about her that I believe anyone can feel, not just me. She tries to be as funny as me, and fails, but will never accept it. Instead, she'll laugh at herself and say she's funny anyway. Her hands are so soft, I like to think this is because she's so genuine and caring about those in her life. Those hands were made for it. Her eyes can see through all my bullshit and at the same time accept me and anyone else for who they truly are. She doesn't like to speak in front of a lot of people but when she speaks its inspirational. I am proud to be related to her... but even prouder to know her the way I do. It would be easy to just have a mother, but instead we have chosen to be best friends and I wouldn't have it any other way.

My dad is the guy with a twinkle in his eye. He's got the smile that makes you love life no matter what could be happening around you. The world could be crumbling but if he's looking at you, you'fe fine, in fact... much better than fine. The way he cares for my friends, even the moment he first meets them, is incredible. He'll take care of anyone that means anything to him until the end of the earth. He's the guy that's always outdoors. His appreciation for being a part of something bigger is unreal. I have come to understand that all people are part of nature and that we must live within and..... ENJOY IT. He taught me that. Its the simple things with my dad. He can find appreciation in anything, and at the same time, can endure and perservere unlike anyone I know.

My brother is the person I want to be a lot of the time. People say we're a lot alike.... I hope so. He's got an incredible life that is always filled with epic things to do. While he's off doing unexplainably fun things, he's still able to be the "doer." His grades are amazing and he is always an imperitive member in everything he's involved in. My brother is THE MAN in my eyes. His humor never fails to make me laugh and his hugs aren't anything like the ones I can get from anyone else. His hugs make me melt, even if they're seconds long. I still get so excited to see him, even when I've grown up with him for almost 20 years now. Beyond his amazing style, he has a "coolness" about him. The way he carries himself, his selflessness, and his unintentional amazing impact on everyone around him, makes him who he is. My brother is the guy you want to at least get a chance to know, he's the guy that I get to call my brother. I'm more proud of that than I ever thought I would be.

There's an incredible amount of things I wish I could continue to say about them. I could on endlessly about them as people. But taking a step back, and seeing my family for who they really are, has made me realize how lucky I am to have them as my family. See the people in your life as individuals, but take pride in who they are to you..........

Fingerprint

I learned something today. Something very unexpected that I didn't think I would learn. I think that's the way its supposed to be. When you learn something new, it should make an impact...... and often times the only way that can happen is if it randomly hits you. If you expect to learn something.... would you actually be learning something new?

The lesson fits perfectly in a quote I heard......... "your fingerprint doesn't get dull from the lives you've touched." So that got me thinking, is that true for everyone? Do people continue to touch people through out there lives? To me...... that's a very easy answer. OBVIOUSLY.

It might be sad, but one way to measure this is how many people feel the ripples of your own death. How many individuals will be impacted by the loss of you???? You cannot easily answer this, but its interesting to think about. The people of your past and of your present will feel it. So you have to ask yourself........ Will that be a lot of people or none at all?

So what did I learn? Touching peoples' lives makes living great. The only way to touch people is to intertwine your lives. The only way to create a web of friendships and loved ones is to touch those around you and those who you've never met before. Living should be far better than bareable, it should be amazing. People who mean the world to you, and who you mean the world to, make it amazing........ so never let your fingerprint dull.

DO..... not GO

I recently went to a speaker that talked about traveling and becoming a traveler. In his most meaningful quote of the presentation he said "choose where you want to go, not by where you know you want to go, but by what you want to do." This was confusing at first but makes a lot of sense to me now.

It is difficult to find time to travel but I think this same quote goes for everyday life. The path that you choose through out life and through out your day directly relates to what you actually want to DO not were you want to GO. So decide what you want to do and well..... do it (where ever that may be). It is important to set a path that has meaning to you personally, not to those around you or what you are "supposed" to be doing. Proving you can get somewhere in your life to others does absolutely nothing for you, it only makes your life more out of control..... that is, more out of your control.

Ultimately.... life is what YOU want to DO and only what YOU want to DO. So take initiative and decide what it is that you want to do in life or even tomorrow afternoon and let that dictate where it is you're going in life.